As I lay, awaiting sleep, in the darkness of my room,
I couldn’t help but think of you,
My husband lay sleeping by my side,
His breathing loud in my ear.
In him I know peace, contentment, belonging.
Where do I stand with you?
Am I but a fling, a friend, a lover unacknowledged.
I am here but I am not,
I hunger but can never have my fill.
I am thinking of you in the darkness, wondering.
What do I do, what do I say,
Who am I in your life these days?
You do not brag of me to your friends and coworkers,
Do they know who I really am to you?
I am a secret to be kept, never to be revealed,
Someone to be ashamed of?
Questions fill my heart and cause me great pain.
I thought that you, with my husband, and I completed a circle,
Something whole and wonderful, but now
I feel like an intruder, someone not worth your time.
Yes, we are still friends, but what happened to the Love?
The trust, and compassion, the sense of solidness?
Where have they gone?
I want to shake you and scream,
“Who is she? Who has taken you away from me?”
Do you think I wouldn’t share?
If that is what you desired.
My mind will not lay quietly,
It runs in circles with never ending questions.
Has this chapter of our lives come to an end?
Is this the beginning of goodbye?
You are so newly come to my life,
And yet you grow distant,
I have loved you as best I could
Is that not enough?
You are afraid, you lack adventure,
You close your mind to the wonders I could bring
Or is it that you do not wish to get that close with me?
I have shuttered my heart against you,
Until you find your path
I am here but I will not be hurt again
I am waiting for your choice.
© Copyright 1999 Moyra