Balance Jealousy & Compersion
Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

Drs. Alex and Joan Lessin, who live in a polyamorous family on Maui, counsel individuals, pairs, triads and moresomes on "Aware Ego" relating. Check out their Poly Advice Page:

I teach the Voice Dialogue perspective to evoke and strengthen each person's Aware Ego--his or her discerning center. Voice Dialogue moved my mates and I and several other polys we counseled into ever-more loving and accepting Aware Ego perspectives. Voice Dialogues and meditations (like the sample we offer in this article) helped us celebrate ourselves and the multiplicity of selves within each of our partners.


We suggest you balance your Jealous Voice with a Compersive Voice--one that rejoices at the joy your lovers share with others. Your Compersive voice is your compassionate, greathearted, gracious, accepting, agape side, enraptured by the beauty and ecstasy of your lovers' delight with each other.

When you balance your jealous and compersive voices and can hear and satisfy both, you transcend them; you are at your center or Aware Ego. Your Aware Ego values jealousy and compersion.

It hears and honors the needs, hurts and fears of the Child within you that the Jealous Voice protects. The Aware Ego effectively addresses the concerns of the Jealous Voice that you protect the Child. The Aware Ego also lets your Compersive Voice enjoy and--vicariously, physically or both--share friendship, sensuality and affection with your lovers. Jealousy & Compersion.


Sit up and center yourself on a chair or cushion. This seat is the position for your Aware Ego, the place from which you can hear both your Jealous and Compersive voices. Consider your Jealous Voice, the part of you that fears competition and loss. What's your Jealous Voice like? What does it do for you.

Physically move your body to a new seat, one where you can ROLE PLAY being your jealous voice. On this seat, you can let you jealous side speak. You can hear and accept it from a neutral, listening Aware Ego.

When you've moved, become your Jealous Voice. Express aloud what you do for the person in whom you dwell, what your job is.

If you, Jealous Voice, ran your person's life, what would you have him or her do?

What, Jealous Voice, do you want and what do you really need?

When did you first become an powerful voice in your person's life?

How long have you been around?

What's your history, Jealous Voice?

What situations brought you out and how did you protect your person from pain, from feeling inferior?

How do you did you protect your person's vulnerable Inner Child in the past?

How do you do it in her or his life now?

What, Jealous Voice, are your concerns in terms of loss of attention and care from your lovers?

To what degree are these concerns warranted and to what degree are they unsubstantiated?

What, Jealous Voice, would you like to be acknowledged and appreciated for?

Now, stop identifying with your Jealous Voice and return to the Aware Ego position, the place you first sat. Center yourself again, and become your Aware Ego.

From your Aware Ego, your center, contemplate your Compersive side, the part of you that rejoices at the joy your lovers share with others. Then move to a position for that self.

Become your Compersive side. Say aloud how you are, what you do for your person. State the main times you came out in your person's, times you came out helped. Tell your person what you'd like to be appreciated for.

Say, Compersive Voice, the areas of your person's life nowadays where you'd like him or her to rejoice at the love, joy and healing she or he shares with others.

Return to the Aware Ego seat. Summarize what your Jealous and Compersive Voices said.

Feel midway between your Jealous and Compersive Voices; simultaneously feel and appreciate both. Discuss how you can honor both in your poly relationships.

Please tell me your results when you try this role-play meditation: or 1371 Malaihi Road, Wailuku, Maui, Hawaii 96793.

  • More on Voice Dialogue: Stone, H. & S., Embracing Our Selves and Embracing Each Other, both 1989, New World Library.

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